Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
