i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's always time for handjobs
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
