I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My vagina just clenched in fear
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
