i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
