i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
