She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
