I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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