Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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