I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
