i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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