so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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