these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
