I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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