I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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