I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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