you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
