Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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