They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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