i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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