Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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