Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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