Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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