I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
