capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
