Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize