i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
