can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
