Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
