it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
