You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
