I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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