I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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