Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's shark week go big or go home
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
