My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
