Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she smelled like a LAN party
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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