Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
