I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
