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Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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