i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
