he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
