I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have aggressive nipples.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
