He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
