i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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