did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
