I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
