So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
