Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
