Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
