just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
