You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
