Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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