I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
