Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
