My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
