i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
