i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
