listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my shit smells like andre
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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