Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
