I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
