I'm eating all of the evidence.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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