My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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