Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
