btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
