she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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