The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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