and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
