Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
