There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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