Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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