Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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