bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
