I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
