oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
