If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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