What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
