Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
