Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
