the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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