So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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