I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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