It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
