I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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