I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
