I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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