2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're too hungover to prance.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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