I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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